Breeding Entitlement

I took my Boy Scout troop to summer camp this week.  It’s always an interesting experience, seeing how the younger scouts react to being away from home and away from mom and dad.  There were the usual tummy aches and homesickness, blisters and bug bites, but no major trauma.  During dinner on the first night, a young scout at the next table made quite a mess.  I pointed out to the boy that he should clean up after himself.  His response, in essence, “I don’t have to, someone else will”, startled me.  Over the course of the next two days, I saw several more instances of “give it to me” or “someone else will take care of it for me” attitudes from the younger scouts.  I wondered if it was just me, or is there a greater sense of entitlement among the kids today?

I did a little searching on the Internet and found a USA Today article from September 1, 2006.  It cited the results from a national survey conducted by Sacred Heart University.  Nearly 83% of the poll respondents agreed that America’s youth feel more entitled compared to 10 years ago.  Also, 54% of the respondents disagreed with the characterization of youth being more responsible.

Ok, so it’s not just me. Others also see a greater sense of entitlement in today’s youth.  But, what’s causing this sense of entitlement?  I did a little more research and came across an op-ed article in Street & Smith’s Sports Business Journal from June 2011, titled, “Well-meaning parents fuel kids’ sense of entitlement”.  The article was written by Jon Butler, executive director of the Pop Warner Little Scholars, Inc., the organization behind Pop Warner youth football programs.  He mentions that Pop Warner rules prevent tryouts, prevents cutting players from teams, and requires mandatory play, yet the organization faces lawsuits because the parents don’t think their child gets enough playing time.  Instead of encouraging their kids to improve their skills to earn more playing time, the parents take the legal route?  Mr. Butler wrote, “Instead of the positive values of team sports, they’re learning that Mom and Dad will fight their battles and will make any negative situation go away.”

Mr. Butler referenced another Sports Business Journal op-ed piece titled, “The secrets of leadership are often found at the bottom”.  Written by Rick Burton and Norm O’Reilly, professors in the areas of sports management and sports business, the article discusses that many of the leaders in sports and sports media started at the bottom and worked their way to the top.  They wrote:

“We believe strongly that a disconnect exists between parents’ excessive coddling and their children’s ability to learn valuable leadership traits. It may be a parents’ right to assist their child, but keeping a young person from starting at the bottom may alter his or her capacity to master group dynamics and truly seek out servant-leadership moments on thankless tasks. This problem manifests itself when these same children graduate from college expecting to lead departments or divisions, less than 90 days after graduating. Trust us, this is a major challenge facing higher education today, and not just in North America.”

 As a parent, I want my children to succeed. I don’t want them to be unhappy.  I would like to protect them from the heartache of failure.  But, if we, as parents, coddle and protect our children from experiencing failure, do we prevent them from learning that success comes from hard work?  If we lead our children to believe that they are deserving of better than what they earn, are we breeding entitlement?

I think we have to stop coddling our children and stop responding with instant gratification.  We need to teach them to do for themselves, that choices come with consequences, that demanding is not the same as earning, and that sometimes they won’t succeed. Otherwise, we may create a society of parasites or adults that cannot cope with failure.

Raising kids is a tough job.  Being a Scout Master isn’t easy either, but the rewards of watching the younger scouts take the first steps towards self-reliance and older scouts taking on leadership responsibilities are immeasurable, even when compared to the benefits they experience themselves. Trying to provide for our kids without spoiling is often a tough line to walk.  Messrs. Burton and O’Reilly wrote, “Entitlement without hard work is a recipe for disaster.” Let’s avoid the disaster.